This is a true-life story, not hearsay. In fact, it happened to me. Stay with me as I relate to you the height of wickedness humans are capable of doing.

It was about 12:30pm at work today when I finally gathered enough courage, motivated by hunger, to step out of my office to the canteen in a quest to get food. As my tradition is, I usually inquire for any hot or atleast warm food available, but before i could say “Ejo shey..” i.e. “please is there..” (literally), the seller quickly shoved an answer back at my face, knowing what I was about to ask, “iyan gbigbona wa o” i.e. (there is hot pounded yam). This was the beginning of the great deception…

There are some salient points to be noted before we proceed any further. This knowledge would be relevant in understanding the pain of the writer. The points are five in number;
1. A wrap of pounded yam usually costs twice the price of its ‘counterparts’ – amala, semo, eba etc, which is understandable considering the energy expended in pounding it {I talk from experience, I can pound for a big wedding. I kid you not, ask my sisters 😉 }
2. Poundo i.e. poundo yam is not even almost the same as iyan i.e pounded yam.
3. Poundo yam isn’t the same as pounded yam
4. Iyan isn’t the same as poundo; and finally
5. Poundo yam isn’t the same as pounded yam.

Now that we’ve spelt the important points out clearly, let us continue..

I hear someone ask, “What’s even the difference? What’s the fuss about?”. What? Are you kidding right now? The difference is more than the entire lifespan of Methuselah! Okay, as I was saying…

I had already hungrily thrust my well washed fingers into the mould of chemicals, disguised as pounded yam, placed in front of me, before its true identity suddenly hit me like a moving train. I should have suspected though; from its ultra fine appearance and brilliant temperature – too perfect! But no, I was rather raptured and trapped in deceit by the euphoria of eating such ‘perfect’ meal.

This delusion was also aided by my wild and uncontrollable feeling of hunger, causing a desperate need to get food into my bowel. It had to take a finger-to-food feeling to nudge me back and reset my sense of judgement 😦

And the most annoying part…

I bought 2 wraps! Two! People of God! Two wraps! My intense hunger could only take me 1 wrap far before it was finally overtaken by my hatred for the meal. I suddenly stopped; abandoning the 2nd wrap which sat cluelessly in the plate wondering what has become of its buyer.

However, I hurriedly gulped some water to fill the remaining void created by a combo of hunger and anger, as I uninterestedly dissected the fresh fish that I also got. To be fair on the poor fish (of loving memory), it wasn’t half bad. It almost made the meal less catastrophic.

After this meal, which I don’t have enough vocabulary to qualify at the moment, I calmly registered my displeasure to the seller. She acknowledged it as though unaware of the scam and deception that have just been mightily wrought through her, she gently passed me my change with an oga-at-the-top kind of facial expression (permit my naughtiness 😉 )

I collected the change with a fake smile, hoping she would be considerate enough on the amount I should pay. Alas! She allowed her selfish mind prevail over her church mind. I counted the money(change) and it was WITHOUT an upward review. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t even complete. I turned to her and gave her the famous line, “dazall?”, She was like, “ejo mo ma je yin ni N50, koti si changi bai”, meaning “sorry, I’ll have to owe you 50naira, I don’t have enough change right now”. Such height of evil!

Anyway, as a gentleman o:) *adjusts tie* I had to let it rest. I walked away, keeping my cool and sustaining my fake smile, but I learnt my lesson.

Never again will this happen to me. NEVER! 😥 >:o

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By a fruit death reigned?
Nay, by a disobedient bite
We all mortality gained;
We all, both black and white

By a seed death died?
Yay, by a voluntary surrender,
We all on immortality should ride
We all, without respect of gender

I place before you, death and life
Shut your eyes that you may see clearly –
The reality you can’t cut with a knife
Or an illusion you can grip firmly

Oh that you may see and believe
That mortality is swallowed by immortality
Oh that you may receive and live
The life in the dimension of eternity

IMMORTALITY (II)

To sleep or to die?
You cannot but choose one
Neither? A big lie;
Where have our ancestors gone?

Asleep to wake up another day?
Or dead, waiting to die again
Depending on their choices in their day
Their Will is not in vain

Again, before you, I place –
To sleep or to die?
A short sleep after the race
Or a rude death under the sky

To sleep is dying to live
To die is living in death
All you have, you should give
For a sound sleep, a while after rebirth

Hi guys, I’m sure we are all familiar with the new “oga at the top” trend now. I’d like to express my opinion, but I’m too lazy to type. So i’ll just copy a broadcast message someone sent to me and the reply I gave. I think it sums up my view fairly well. So here we go (unedited);

“Surely at some point, this #My-Oga-At-The-Top craze would fade, the jokes would become stale, and we would move on.

But not today.

Nobody knows for sure why Obafaiye Shem’s woeful display on TV has generated this much interest with shirts, mugs, videos, jokes, tweets, posts, articles and other initiatives flowing directly from that one interview.

As an aside, some folks have tried to act as spoilers, saying that the display by Shem was not funny because we have parents who do not know these things as well. But they miss the point. The funniest part of the video was not the fact that Shem was ignorant… no, it is that he was not humble in his ignorance or smarter in responding.

He tried to bluff his way through as Nigerians always want to do. You could see a man trying to display confidence in his ignorance. You could see him try to subdue his hosts by speaking louder and gesticulating wildly and trying to evade the question. So when despite all that, he still made that massive blunder… well… that’s all.

To his credit, never since Akpors and Patience Jonathan has an individual so single-handedly occupied the national imagination and discussion at least online…

But I know with time, this too shall pass! Its nothing personal.:D ”

I responded thus (unedited)

“Maybe u guys should kuku kill him for having such unpardonable attitude or making such horrendous mistake. He already can’t sleep at night. Misplaced priorities in governance begins with y’all. A big thief was recently granted state pardon, no one is addressing that or condemning it enmass like we’re doing to ‘oga at the top’. Naija I hail o. Smh”

Comment: A Yoruba proverb says, “efi ete si le en pa lapalapa meaning” – una leave leprosy dey try cure lapalapa *someone please help me with the English word for that* let’s just call it dandruff. Point is, when the video went viral everyone including me laughed and had fun. To me it was funnier than sad. But then just at that period the Alams news came out.. What did we do? We winked at it and kept on digging at the nscdc guy. A thief who evaded arrest oversea by disguising as a woman was welcome home amidst huge celebrations and recently, to top it up, was granted a presidential pardon. One would think that should top our priority list of issues to address. The worm called corruption is busy feasting on our fabrics of national development, and we are here picking beans and breaking melons 😀 Until we tackle the root – corruption, we will only be dissipating energy on trivialities. It’s like grappling with the smoke while the fire is still burning.. Put out the fire! Naija I hail oo.

Oops.. I was supposed to be too lazy to type x_X

Thanks for reading though 😉

THE lil THINGS

Sometimes it’s not always about the loud and most spectacular things we do, rather, it’s the little, random kindnesses we show. You don’t need a very persuading or impressive speech to encourage someone. You don’t need a fat bank account to make that hungry kid happy. You don’t have to be a motivational speaker to give a simple compliment. Your teeth don’t have to be sparkling white (they dont even have to add up to 32 in number 😀 ) to light up someone’s day in a smile. How about a free warm hug? We often want to do the loud see-what-I-have-done stuffs, when sometimes all that’s actually needed is the simple silent stuff. It is not so much about the size of the act but the size of the heart behind it.
People may forget the great, deep and most profound things you’ve said or done, but they won’t forget, in a hurry, how well or otherwise, you treated them.
Don’t withhold that lil smile, help, money, compliment, encouragement, or any act of kindness you can think of, just because they appear “too little”. They could mean the world to someone. Who knows, you might even save a life.
In the words of William Wordsworth, “That best portion of a good man’s life: His little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.”
Make up your mind to show random kindnesses from this very moment, you might even want to make a list of how many acts of kindness you did per day, if that’ll help. This world is tough enough, let’s make it at least bearable for one another 🙂

Please note that this lil write-up was inspired by lil kind words of encouragement spoken to me by a friend who reads this blog. Those words were HUMONGOUS 😉 Thanks Bukky Shaba 🙂

MARRY YOUR BESTFRIEND?

Hey there 🙂 This post would be more of a questionnaire than an articulation of my opinion. I intend to get varieties of answers as touching this topic. Hopefully, from the responses, we can reach a reasonable conclusion or at least get something to ponder on.

Sometimes, this whole relationship gist could get very complex and confusing. There are so many schools of thoughts and lines which have been almost literally thrusted on our subconscious mind. Some people think some things should be done in a certain way while others differ. Since a relationship (in this context) is between two different persons (male and female) of different beliefs, it is expedient that a compromise be reached by both parties.

Needless to say, a host of these lines could be true and helpful, while the rest are mere sets of rules or conclusions drawn from a multitude of experiences which might not necessarily suit or fit into every situation. Thus, those advices shouldn’t be accepted or discarded too quickly. One of such popular lines is, “make sure you get married to your bestfriend”. Without further delay, here are my questions:

  • Is it always advisable for singles to marry their best friend?
  • Or people should make sure whoever they end up with automatically becomes their bestfriend?
  • Would you tolerate your husband having a female bestfriend which isn’t you?
  • Would you tolerate your wife having a male bestfriend who isn’t you?

Your sincere answers would be appreciated. Thanks 🙂

P.S.

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LOVE – UNDERRATED, OVERRATED OR SIMPLY MISUNDERSTOOD?

The definition of “love” is subjective, depending on every individual. And our unique definition of that word is largely influenced by our backgrounds, religious beliefs, personal experiences and so on. These factors are therefore responsible for the discrepancies in our perception and the consequent expression of love. Thus, we might not all agree with one definition. Infact, to others, there is no such word as “love” in their dictionary. I will attempt to give a little exposition here, which of course, should be seen as my own opinion (I will try as much as possible not to “spiritualize” this)

First, the meaning of love is often contextual, depending on how it’s used in a sentence. E.g. I love my parents, I love my wife, I love ice cream, we made love, she fell in love etc. It carries different meanings as used in those sentences. Also, most people will agree with me that love is a feeling. The topic is a broad one, but for the want of space, byte and time we would restrict our definition to love as used in a relationship between two opposite sexes. And by “relationship” I mean the one existent between bf/gf, hubby/wifey 😉 ( Dont ask me about homosexuals, me I dunno o)

My definition of love is “a GENUINE, SELFLESS and UNCONDITIONAL feeling of affection”. This is almost extinct in our relationships today due to its impracticably difficult challenges. The average human is selfish and a “businessman” – Love gestures can’t be wasted if there is nothing to get in return. This is responsible for breakups and divorces. Before you get into a relationship with that person you claim to love, you need to ask yourself some sincere questions:

1. If he stops buying me gifts or being nice, would I still love him?

2. If he/she is not ready to change his/her bad behaviours, can I live with them?

3. If she stops being sweet, and becomes always cranky, will I still love her?

4. If (s)he stops caring, will I still love her/him anyway?

5. Can I die for her? *ghen ghen*

6. Will I keep loving him/her whether or not my love is reciprocated?

I bet you can’t answer an emphatic “YES” to those questions. *holds laugh* see what I mean? It’s easy to love that lady because she’s pretty, smart, can cook, spiritual, satisfies you in bed, respectful and all round lovable. Would you still love her if some or all these things are missing? Why won’t you love the guy? He gets you gifts, he’s TDH, with sixteen packs (or so), so perfect he looks like a photoshoped mannequin, rich (oil company tinz), he opens the door for you, pulls the seat, can even cook too, loves God etc Would you still love him if he lost all that? If he got fired, obese, and now obsessed with alcohol and weed?

I know this doesn’t make much sense to you, but that’s what love truly is. It’s a choice. You could choose to love whoever you want to for as long as you want to, irrespective of their current status or achievement. Love is a continuous decision you keep making everyday, married or not. Come to think of it, there are so many people in the world that fall into the category of the partner you’re looking for, but you can only choose one. People cheat and later break up because they aren’t contented, you love this one today, then tomorrow you find a “better” one and then slide into compromise. Then you begin to cookup reasons you can’t be together, dig into her past to exhume mistakes, while you look forward to subsequent ones to exploit, just to use as a tool to be with the newly found lady. Smh (same applies to the ladies too)

In my opinion, LOVE is misunderstood and often misused as a tool to fulfill our selfish ambitions or desires. True love is unconditional and deeper than you think. The fact that something has been abused doesn’t make the thing useless or ineffective in itself. 

Finally, to love someone, you need to learn to love yourself. Celebrate yourself, appreciate your strengths. Know your weaknesses, dont shy away from them. Deal with them. Newsflash: We all are flawed, only God is flawless!

Before you say you love someone, think twice. Maybe you just like them 🙂

Thanks for taking your time to read this 🙂 I look forward to your reactions and responses 😀 God bless you! O:)

 

 @coolestryder_